• Forty-six

    Years come and go, and as I get older, they seem to pass faster. I used to think that was something older people said; well, I’m one of those older people now, and I say it because I feel it. Today, I go around the cycle again and turn 46. It feels a large number in some ways but also so small in others.

    I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever feel the age I’m meant to. I don’t think that’s a wrong reflection, but I haven’t ever been one of those that have felt ‘my age’ at any point. Although my body certainly can remind me it’s over 40 at times.

    So what does it feel like to be this age? How am I meant to behave now my late 40s is waving at me? I don’t know, and I think I’m ok with that. The concept of how someone should or shouldn’t behave at a certain age is thankfully dissolving with each generation, and I look forward to enjoying that even more as I get older.

    Just because a calendar tells me I am a year old doesn’t change anything. I don’t suddenly have to wear appropriate clothing or different boots. My generation is often labelled the overlooked one, gen X, which everyone tends to leave off those clickbait charts. I think we might be the sneaky generation that is managing to grow old and not have to change, though, so maybe that’s one of the benefits of nobody looking.

    Another year passes, and the thing that does change, though, is the gift of comfort. It’s a gift you get as you get older that you never dream of when young. To feel comfortable more often in your skin than you dared dream about before. Sure, it’s not always easy, but it’s certainly a whole lot easier than the pain of 20s, the awkwardness of being lost at 30.

    I’ve grown to accept I am me, know what I can cope with and how I need to navigate the world. What suits me, what makes me comfortable and how to best recharge myself to cope with this not always easy universe. I have learned to talk to myself before the spiral gets too bad or the brain worms too squiggly.

    All of this might all be why I honestly am pretty happy about getting older right now and welcoming 46 with a smile, full heart and open arms. I know I am fortunate for that full heart, so thank you to everyone that has filled that this year—time to see what lies past mid-40s and embrace the next adventure.